he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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