I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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