I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
