No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
