I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize