okay pat passed out under dana's car
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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