I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize