Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
