I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
