Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
