I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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