Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
