i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
