I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
