Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
