I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
