whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
