doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
