well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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