i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
