Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
