You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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