I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
