Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
