Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
40s are totally the cure
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
