we have pet lesbian snakes
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize