Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
