it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
