I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
