my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
