I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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