i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
