O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize