He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
