"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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