Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
