She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
