I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
