If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
