Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
