just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
