Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
