and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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