i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
