I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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