She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
