it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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