yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
