My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
