That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
