he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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