The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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