Duck Duck Cougar?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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