he wants to bone in the snuggie
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
