Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
