he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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