Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize