I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
