Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
