Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
