he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
