I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
