I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
