hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
