He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I supernannyed him into submission
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
