Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
