Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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