it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
