Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
