i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
