Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
