how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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