you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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