nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
