fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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