24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
don't judge my taste in strippers
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
