What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
