I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
