trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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